When Denial Shows Up

Denial is one of those feelings that sneaks in quietly, sometimes without us even realizing it’s there. For me, it started with the thought: “This can’t be happening to me.” A diagnosis of Parkinson’s Disease has a way of shaking everything you thought you knew about your body, your future, and your plans.

But denial doesn’t always come only in the big moments—like hearing the words for the first time. It also shows up in the small, everyday ways. I feel it when I wake up with a list of things I want to do, and then my body reminds me that it has its own agenda. The spirit is willing, but the physical reality doesn’t always cooperate. That gap between desire and ability can stir up frustration, sadness, and yes, more denial.

Here’s what I’ve learned, though: denying how I feel or what I need doesn’t make it go away. It only makes me feel more stuck. What does help is grace—giving myself permission to feel the disappointment, to say “today is hard,” and still to know I am doing my best. Grace allows me to be human in the face of something that can feel so unfair.

Self-care becomes the bridge between denial and acceptance. On the days I can’t do what I hoped, I try to do something gentle for myself instead: rest without guilt, journal, step outside for fresh air, or simply remind myself that my worth isn’t defined by productivity. These practices don’t erase denial, but they soften it. They remind me I can still show up for myself in meaningful ways.

If you’re walking this path too, please hear this: you are not weak for feeling denial. It’s a natural response to change and loss. What matters is how we move through it—with honesty, grace, and compassion for ourselves.

Reflection Prompt:
Think about a moment recently when denial showed up for you—maybe in big ways, maybe in small ones. What would it look like to respond to yourself with grace in that moment instead of judgment?

Affirmation:
“I honor my feelings with compassion. I give myself grace as I learn to live fully in this moment.”